The Convenient Christmas Shipping Matrix of 2021

Where Do You Live?

Date You Are Placing Your Order

You're Good Standard Shipping

Oh boy. Here we go. Priority Upgrade

CUTTING IT REALLY FUCKING CLOSE ROOKIE. Priority Upgrade

USE UPS

Is it that difficult to order a present ahead of time? You Totally Blew It You Loser

You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Merry Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser

You're Good Standard Shipping

Skin of your teeth. Priority Upgrade

You are putting your fate in the hands of the US Postal System. Priority Upgrade

USE UPS

NOW YOU HAVE TO OVERNIGHT IT

READ MY LIPS - O-VER-NIGHT

Christmas is ruined because of you. You Totally Blew It You Loser

You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Merry Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser

You're Good Standard Shipping

Skin of your teeth. Priority Upgrade

Waiting until the 11th hour, huh? You should be okay but don't come crying to us if it doesn't show up. Priority Upgrade

USE UPS

Overnight that shiiiiit

Overnight might work but what do we know we are just a joke company.

Is it that difficult to order a present ahead of time? You Totally Blew It You Loser

You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Merry Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser

You're Good Standard Shipping

USE UPS OR FEDEX

USE UPS OR FEDEX and cross your fingers, eh.

UPS CLAIMS SAVER WILL STILL GET THERE...

...IT'S HONESTLY HARD FOR US TO TRUST THAT...

...BUT WE GUESS UPS KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING?

Is it that difficult to order a present ahead of time? You Totally Blew It You Loser

You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser

100% Fucked You Totally Blew It You Loser

Merry Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser

USE UPS OR FEDEX, MATE

LAST DAY TO USE UPS OR FEDEX, MATE

Whoops, you did it again. You Totally Blew It You Loser

You Totally Blew It You Loser

You bogan. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Can't tell you how fucked you are. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Fucked six ways to next Sunday. You Totally Blew It You Loser

You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Christmas is ruined because of you. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Merry Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser

USE UPS OR FEDEX and cross your fingers.

Blew it. You Totally Blew It You Loser

You totally blew it. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Can't tell you how fucked you are. You Totally Blew It You Loser

You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Is it that difficult to order a present ahead of time? You Totally Blew It You Loser

Christmas is ruined because of you. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Christmas has just been hijacked by capitalism anyway. You Totally Blew It You Loser

You can still get Pit Vipers in time for Christmas! In 2022. You Totally Blew It You Loser

Merry Fucking Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser